![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
k_a_webb posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
kawebbwriting‘Astrid, that’s enough.’
Fortunately Astrid was so well used to Lucan talking to her from a distance she didn’t show any sign of the other conversation she was having. ‘You do like her, Luc.’ She sounded amused. ‘I could hear that in your voice when you talked about her.’
‘Whether or not I like her isn’t something we need to talk about right now.’ He studied Ixia in the crystal, wishing things could be different, but he needed someone out there. She was his best option. One day he hoped he’d be able to tell her everything she needed to know about who she was, but there was no way of knowing when that day would come… if it ever did. ‘What do you think her answer is going to be?’
‘Patience. You need to give her some time. She’s scared of you. A lot of people are, because they don’t know you, and all they’re certain of is the fact you have a very dangerous ability you could use against any of them.’
‘If I wanted to be in bed for the next six weeks.’ Lucan pushed the memory of the only time he’d used death magic out of his mind. He knew it was something he was never going to be able to forget, but that didn’t mean it had to be there all the time. ‘Why did I decide I wanted to become a black mage?’
‘Curiosity, and I did say you were going to regret it. Things like that aren’t hidden for no reason.’
‘Yes, you did. Obviously I should have listened to you.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t.’
‘Maybe this needed to happen.’
Of course it needed to happen. Everything was planned out, apparently, but Lucan had trouble believing that at times. He’d pretended not to know what was going to happen when he started. He’d pretended not to know his new ability would be death magic, because if he said anything about what he knew it was going to make things worse. At least that was what he was told. That was what they’d all been told. None of them could be certain they were being told the whole truth, but the fear was enough of a reason for them to keep going, keep following the path that had been mapped out for them, keep doing what they were told to do without asking too many questions. Astrid was the only person he thought he might be able to talk to about everything, and yet he still kept the truth to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to drag her into something he’d never wanted to be a part of.
‘Luc…’
‘Sorry.’ Lucan turned his attention back to the crystal. ‘Did she say anything important?’
‘Not yet. What were you thinking about?’
‘Everything.’
‘You’re keeping secrets from me.’
‘There are times, and I know you won’t believe this, that secrets are kept for the right reasons.’ He brushed a hand through his hair. Like with Ixia. If he mentioned to her that they were family she wouldn’t believe him, or maybe she would. It wasn’t as though she knew anything about her father. ‘You need to tell her about the crystal as well as the spells.’
‘I’m going to, and don’t change the subject. You’re going to have to tell me eventually. Keeping everything to yourself isn’t sensible.’
‘Sometimes we don’t have any other option. Sometimes the secret isn’t ours to tell.’
‘Now it is. We both know that, and you’re still trying to keep me in the dark. You can’t protect me from what’s coming, Lucan, which is something you should know. The best thing you can do is give me the information I need to be able to work out what I can do to help you.’
‘Even if that’s not what I want for you.’
‘You can’t make that choice for me. I want to know what you do.’
‘Our friendship…’
‘From the beginning I knew you weren’t telling me everything. There’s nothing for you to worry about. Just tell me the truth. Let someone in, so you don’t have to take the weight of everything alone.’
“How will I get in contact with you?” Ixia’s voice made Lucan jump. “You can’t be expecting me to send letters. There’s no way of knowing they’ll even get here.”
Nodding, Astrid took the crystal out of her bag. “We have these.”
Blinking, Ixia stared at the crystal. “A communication crystal?”
“You know about them.”
“I read about them. From what was said I thought they were all destroyed.”
“Sometimes things need to be hidden, Ixia, and the best way of doing that is by changing history.” Astrid ran her tongue over her lips. “Communication crystals like this one are rare. You’re going to have to be very careful for it, because when it’s gone there are no more we can give you.”
“You’re willing to give it to me knowing I might destroy it the moment I’m out of the city?”
‘Yes, we are, because you’re not going to destroy it.’ Lucan laughed. ‘Is she trying to talk us out of letting her leave?’
‘No, Luc, she’s trying to understand why we’re willing to. You haven’t heard half of the things that are said about you. She has. She feels like this is a trap, and the moment she says yes something bad is going to happen to her. My job is to convince her otherwise.’
Sobering, Lucan watched as Astrid held the crystal out. “This isn’t a trap. I know it’s hard to believe. I know what people say, I’ve heard it all, and I can understand why you’re scared. Like I said he likes you. He’s willing to give you the freedom you crave in return for nothing more than you telling him about what you find. You don’t have to come back, unless you want to. You don’t have to pay us back. There are no strings. You’re not going to be thrown into a cell if you say yes.”
“Why not?”
“Honestly, Ixia, I can’t tell you why. There isn’t anyone else he would have offered this opportunity. When he spoke of you, and what he believed you were going to do, he said he thought you were as interested in learning everything possible about this world, which is something you can’t do from here. I’m not just saying that. Right now I don’t feel like words can be enough to convince you to trust us. All you can do is give us a chance to prove ourselves.”
A shaking hand reached out to take the crystal from Astrid. “If I use this who I am likely to talk with.”
“That depends on which one of us is busy when you call. Most of the time it will be me. Sometimes it will be Lucan.” That was the first time Astrid had used his name with Ixia, and she flinched. Were they really that scared of him? “Would you prefer me to tell him to leave you to call back if I’m not free?”
For a long time Ixia was silent. Lucan was too, wanting to see what decision she would make. “No, I wouldn’t.” She looked at the crystal. “Maybe he’s not the person I thought he was.”
“Maybe he’s not.” Astrid smiled. “Does this mean you’re willing to help us?”
“It does.” Ixia looked at Astrid once more. “You have the spells in your bag?”
“Everything is ready for you. There aren’t a lot. You moved faster than we were expecting, so I have as many as he could make. If you need more then you can come back, but you don’t have, and if you talk with him there is a chance he might be able to talk you through making these. Not everyone can. It’s difficult.”
“Being orange will have an effect too.”
“Yes, and no. Your strength isn’t dependent on your level. How strong you are isn’t dependent on anything other than who you are. Some people are strong enough to reach black, and choose not to. It can be due to fear. It can be due to the after effects. They can be too much for people. It can be due to so many things, but your choices are yours, and I think, from what’s been said, you could have got above orange if you wanted to.”
Shrugging, Ixia tried to hide the smile beginning to take shape. “Who said that?”
“Your mentor. We spoke with him when it seemed like you’d be the one to leave, and he said you were capable of so much, but the after effects were stopping you. I can understand. I felt the same way for a long time, but then someone started pushing himself, making me feel like I needed to do the same thing. When I saw what he went through…” Astrid shook her head. “I probably shouldn’t say too much.”
‘Tell her. I think she needs to know.’ Lucan studied Ixia in the crystal. Some of the tension had left her body. ‘She was brave enough to say she was open to talking to me, and that says something about her.’
“Getting to black was hard. I don’t doubt that for a moment. From what I went through just to get to orange I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him.”
“From the pain he went through I can understand why no one else has done what he did for a very long time. It… because it was caused by magic nothing can be used to make it easier for him. All he could do was go through it. I was there for him, because I was the only one who knew, and for a while I didn’t think he was going to survive.” Astrid bit her lip. “The two of us had been friends for a very long time, and I thought I was going to lose him due to his own curiosity. Luckily he did get through it. Now we just have to deal with him being a black mage, which… I can’t help wishing it had never happened at times. He knows that. We’ve been through it before.”
“You wouldn’t recommend it?”
Astrid laughed. “No, I wouldn’t.” She took a small cloth bag out of her bigger one, and handed it to Ixia. “These are the spells. Be careful out there. We aren’t certain exactly what you’re going to find.”
“Neither am all. I all know is that I want to see it.”
Lucan sighed. Ixia was lucky enough to leave. He wouldn’t be able to leave for a long time, if that was ever permitted, and for a long time he’d dreamt of what it would be like if he walked away from all the responsibilities that had been dumped on his shoulders. Unfortunately he was the only one who could take them. None of the others were strong enough. Well, apart from Ixia, and she was the wrong gender, so it couldn’t be her. He made a face at the crystal. Had he not been born into the wrong family he might well have made the same decision she had, because there was always going to be someone who did what he’d done.
“Go whenever you want, as long as you have everything you want to take. Contact every third day would be great, if you can, but if you have to leave it longer then that’s just the way things are.”
“I will.” Ixia smiled at Astrid. “Thank you.”
“You have nothing to thank me for. This was all Lucan.”
“Then thank him for me. I know he didn’t have to do this, and I appreciate it.”
“Of course.” Astrid smiled back. “Stay safe. If you need anything at all just contact us on the crystal. We both have one, and we will answer you.”
Fortunately Astrid was so well used to Lucan talking to her from a distance she didn’t show any sign of the other conversation she was having. ‘You do like her, Luc.’ She sounded amused. ‘I could hear that in your voice when you talked about her.’
‘Whether or not I like her isn’t something we need to talk about right now.’ He studied Ixia in the crystal, wishing things could be different, but he needed someone out there. She was his best option. One day he hoped he’d be able to tell her everything she needed to know about who she was, but there was no way of knowing when that day would come… if it ever did. ‘What do you think her answer is going to be?’
‘Patience. You need to give her some time. She’s scared of you. A lot of people are, because they don’t know you, and all they’re certain of is the fact you have a very dangerous ability you could use against any of them.’
‘If I wanted to be in bed for the next six weeks.’ Lucan pushed the memory of the only time he’d used death magic out of his mind. He knew it was something he was never going to be able to forget, but that didn’t mean it had to be there all the time. ‘Why did I decide I wanted to become a black mage?’
‘Curiosity, and I did say you were going to regret it. Things like that aren’t hidden for no reason.’
‘Yes, you did. Obviously I should have listened to you.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t.’
‘Maybe this needed to happen.’
Of course it needed to happen. Everything was planned out, apparently, but Lucan had trouble believing that at times. He’d pretended not to know what was going to happen when he started. He’d pretended not to know his new ability would be death magic, because if he said anything about what he knew it was going to make things worse. At least that was what he was told. That was what they’d all been told. None of them could be certain they were being told the whole truth, but the fear was enough of a reason for them to keep going, keep following the path that had been mapped out for them, keep doing what they were told to do without asking too many questions. Astrid was the only person he thought he might be able to talk to about everything, and yet he still kept the truth to himself. He couldn’t bring himself to drag her into something he’d never wanted to be a part of.
‘Luc…’
‘Sorry.’ Lucan turned his attention back to the crystal. ‘Did she say anything important?’
‘Not yet. What were you thinking about?’
‘Everything.’
‘You’re keeping secrets from me.’
‘There are times, and I know you won’t believe this, that secrets are kept for the right reasons.’ He brushed a hand through his hair. Like with Ixia. If he mentioned to her that they were family she wouldn’t believe him, or maybe she would. It wasn’t as though she knew anything about her father. ‘You need to tell her about the crystal as well as the spells.’
‘I’m going to, and don’t change the subject. You’re going to have to tell me eventually. Keeping everything to yourself isn’t sensible.’
‘Sometimes we don’t have any other option. Sometimes the secret isn’t ours to tell.’
‘Now it is. We both know that, and you’re still trying to keep me in the dark. You can’t protect me from what’s coming, Lucan, which is something you should know. The best thing you can do is give me the information I need to be able to work out what I can do to help you.’
‘Even if that’s not what I want for you.’
‘You can’t make that choice for me. I want to know what you do.’
‘Our friendship…’
‘From the beginning I knew you weren’t telling me everything. There’s nothing for you to worry about. Just tell me the truth. Let someone in, so you don’t have to take the weight of everything alone.’
“How will I get in contact with you?” Ixia’s voice made Lucan jump. “You can’t be expecting me to send letters. There’s no way of knowing they’ll even get here.”
Nodding, Astrid took the crystal out of her bag. “We have these.”
Blinking, Ixia stared at the crystal. “A communication crystal?”
“You know about them.”
“I read about them. From what was said I thought they were all destroyed.”
“Sometimes things need to be hidden, Ixia, and the best way of doing that is by changing history.” Astrid ran her tongue over her lips. “Communication crystals like this one are rare. You’re going to have to be very careful for it, because when it’s gone there are no more we can give you.”
“You’re willing to give it to me knowing I might destroy it the moment I’m out of the city?”
‘Yes, we are, because you’re not going to destroy it.’ Lucan laughed. ‘Is she trying to talk us out of letting her leave?’
‘No, Luc, she’s trying to understand why we’re willing to. You haven’t heard half of the things that are said about you. She has. She feels like this is a trap, and the moment she says yes something bad is going to happen to her. My job is to convince her otherwise.’
Sobering, Lucan watched as Astrid held the crystal out. “This isn’t a trap. I know it’s hard to believe. I know what people say, I’ve heard it all, and I can understand why you’re scared. Like I said he likes you. He’s willing to give you the freedom you crave in return for nothing more than you telling him about what you find. You don’t have to come back, unless you want to. You don’t have to pay us back. There are no strings. You’re not going to be thrown into a cell if you say yes.”
“Why not?”
“Honestly, Ixia, I can’t tell you why. There isn’t anyone else he would have offered this opportunity. When he spoke of you, and what he believed you were going to do, he said he thought you were as interested in learning everything possible about this world, which is something you can’t do from here. I’m not just saying that. Right now I don’t feel like words can be enough to convince you to trust us. All you can do is give us a chance to prove ourselves.”
A shaking hand reached out to take the crystal from Astrid. “If I use this who I am likely to talk with.”
“That depends on which one of us is busy when you call. Most of the time it will be me. Sometimes it will be Lucan.” That was the first time Astrid had used his name with Ixia, and she flinched. Were they really that scared of him? “Would you prefer me to tell him to leave you to call back if I’m not free?”
For a long time Ixia was silent. Lucan was too, wanting to see what decision she would make. “No, I wouldn’t.” She looked at the crystal. “Maybe he’s not the person I thought he was.”
“Maybe he’s not.” Astrid smiled. “Does this mean you’re willing to help us?”
“It does.” Ixia looked at Astrid once more. “You have the spells in your bag?”
“Everything is ready for you. There aren’t a lot. You moved faster than we were expecting, so I have as many as he could make. If you need more then you can come back, but you don’t have, and if you talk with him there is a chance he might be able to talk you through making these. Not everyone can. It’s difficult.”
“Being orange will have an effect too.”
“Yes, and no. Your strength isn’t dependent on your level. How strong you are isn’t dependent on anything other than who you are. Some people are strong enough to reach black, and choose not to. It can be due to fear. It can be due to the after effects. They can be too much for people. It can be due to so many things, but your choices are yours, and I think, from what’s been said, you could have got above orange if you wanted to.”
Shrugging, Ixia tried to hide the smile beginning to take shape. “Who said that?”
“Your mentor. We spoke with him when it seemed like you’d be the one to leave, and he said you were capable of so much, but the after effects were stopping you. I can understand. I felt the same way for a long time, but then someone started pushing himself, making me feel like I needed to do the same thing. When I saw what he went through…” Astrid shook her head. “I probably shouldn’t say too much.”
‘Tell her. I think she needs to know.’ Lucan studied Ixia in the crystal. Some of the tension had left her body. ‘She was brave enough to say she was open to talking to me, and that says something about her.’
“Getting to black was hard. I don’t doubt that for a moment. From what I went through just to get to orange I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him.”
“From the pain he went through I can understand why no one else has done what he did for a very long time. It… because it was caused by magic nothing can be used to make it easier for him. All he could do was go through it. I was there for him, because I was the only one who knew, and for a while I didn’t think he was going to survive.” Astrid bit her lip. “The two of us had been friends for a very long time, and I thought I was going to lose him due to his own curiosity. Luckily he did get through it. Now we just have to deal with him being a black mage, which… I can’t help wishing it had never happened at times. He knows that. We’ve been through it before.”
“You wouldn’t recommend it?”
Astrid laughed. “No, I wouldn’t.” She took a small cloth bag out of her bigger one, and handed it to Ixia. “These are the spells. Be careful out there. We aren’t certain exactly what you’re going to find.”
“Neither am all. I all know is that I want to see it.”
Lucan sighed. Ixia was lucky enough to leave. He wouldn’t be able to leave for a long time, if that was ever permitted, and for a long time he’d dreamt of what it would be like if he walked away from all the responsibilities that had been dumped on his shoulders. Unfortunately he was the only one who could take them. None of the others were strong enough. Well, apart from Ixia, and she was the wrong gender, so it couldn’t be her. He made a face at the crystal. Had he not been born into the wrong family he might well have made the same decision she had, because there was always going to be someone who did what he’d done.
“Go whenever you want, as long as you have everything you want to take. Contact every third day would be great, if you can, but if you have to leave it longer then that’s just the way things are.”
“I will.” Ixia smiled at Astrid. “Thank you.”
“You have nothing to thank me for. This was all Lucan.”
“Then thank him for me. I know he didn’t have to do this, and I appreciate it.”
“Of course.” Astrid smiled back. “Stay safe. If you need anything at all just contact us on the crystal. We both have one, and we will answer you.”
