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kawebbwritingEven though Fintan had been told to wait until morning, when the elders would explain what needed to happen, he knew if he did that something bad was going to happen. He could feel it. Being unbonded for as long as he had… keeping the magic inside him had been hard enough before she arrived, but knowing she was there, that he could share the burden for the first time, made things much harder. Glancing around, he made certain that no one had seen him before using his magic to unlock the door to the house, hoping that everyone was asleep, because he didn’t think he could explain what he was doing once he was inside the house. They didn’t know what it was like to be unbonded. All of them had found their other half within a year and he’d been waiting for a decade, because that was how long it had taken to find her.
When he was a child Fintan had heard the story of a girl who’d made a wish. It was a story he never thought was real, but it turned out that the girl really had existed and it was that girl the elders had needed to find, to convince her to return to Janoch, because they were missing a bond mate. She’d given up her magic, her bond, for a ‘normal’ life, with no idea her abilities could still be inherited by her daughter. That her choice was the entire reason that he’d been waiting so long for his other half. For a long time he’d simply assumed that she was younger than him. It had never crossed his mind that she might be on another world.
Biting hard on his lip he started making his way towards her bedroom. Fintan knew where it was because he’d been watching them, and he’d felt the connection. It was a stupid idea that had made things even harder than they already were. Knowing that she was the one… a part of him had wanted to do it then, but he’d managed to convince himself that he could wait until morning, until he tried to sleep. That was when he realised he couldn’t wait, no matter how much he wanted to, because he couldn’t relax, not when she was so close. He needed the connection, otherwise he was going to lose control. Losing control, as he been told before, was something he couldn’t do, not with the amount of magic he had within him.
Outside her door he stopped, because Fintan hadn’t wanted to break into the house, hadn’t wanted to make the connection without her knowing who she was, but he knew he was minutes away from his magic breaking from his control. Doing his best to move silently he opened the door, stepped into the room, and closed the door behind him. Being in the same room as her actually made things a little easier, he felt more in control, but it wasn’t enough, so he made his way over to the bed. All she’d done was make the bed after the long day they’d had, knowing she could unpack her boxes in the morning, and he was surrounded by them, by her, by his other half, the girl he’d been waiting for. Without stopping to think he reached out to touch her.
The moment Fintan’s hand touched her they connected. Unsurprisingly it woke her, but she didn’t scream the way he thought she would. Instead she stared at him, her head tilted to one side, as the design that showed who she was connected with started making its way up her arm. He knew the same thing was happening to his arm, because he could feel it, but he didn’t dare look, just in case. “You’ve been in my dreams,” she said, brushing a hand through her hair. “Mum wouldn’t tell me why we were coming here, but I knew it had something to do with you.”
“I’m not surprised,” he replied, even though he hadn’t been certain he could speak. “We’re meant to be connected.”
“How did it happen?”
Fintan sat on the end of the bed. “Your mum made a wish.” He bit his lip. “I’m certain she didn’t think it was a wish that would come true, but it did, and it killed her bond mate, as well as several other people, when he lost control of his magic. She was lucky to survive. Once they’d dug her out of the rubble she left Janoch. I have no idea where she went or what happened to her, but obviously she married and had children. What she didn’t realise was that you would be needed here, born as a bond mate but without the magic, and it took the elders a long time to find her, and then they had to convince her to come back.”
She looked down at her arm and then at him again. “Should you be here?”
“No, but I couldn’t control it any longer. I wish I could, I wish you could have had all this explained to you first, but…” Fintan bit his lip again. “Stupidly I thought I could watch you arrive without it affecting me. I was wrong. Just being close to you… I’ve never connected with anyone before and I didn’t realise how hard it would be for me to be able to cope with the magic that was meant to be shared between the two of us.”
“Is it always pairs?”
“Most of the time it is, but there have been triads and quads before. I’ve never heard of a larger group than that.”
“Always opposite genders?”
“Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. For our group it’s different, because we aren’t in each other’s minds all the time. By giving us time to age we come into our magic alone, rather than in our pair, and that means that we have permanent shields. You can let me into your mind if you want, although I wouldn’t suggest you did it right now, but for the others, who’re bonded at birth, they grow into their magic together and it means they have a mental connection as well as a magical one.” Their eyes met for a moment. “The elders will explain all of this to you tomorrow, after they’ve had a chance to get angry at me for what I did.”
“They’re not going to do that.” She smiled at him. “I told you I was dreaming about you, so I know what you’ve been through, and I will argue on your behalf. They have no idea. They’ve never been through what you went through, and I’m actually surprised we managed to get here in time. At a couple of points I really did think you were going to give up.”
He sighed. “There were a couple of times when I thought I was going to give up. I don’t know what kept me going. From the beginning the elders were honest with me – they had no idea if they were going to be able to find you. At one point I didn’t think they would, but then, finally, they had good news for me. They told me you were coming. I’ve never felt so relieved. I knew things were going to get better, but then it dragged out, because your mum, and I’m not at all surprised by this, didn’t want to come back here. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for her. The memories… they must be terrible.”
“They are.” The female voice from the door made Fintan jump. “I have a lot of regrets, and one of those regrets is that I left an innocent without a bond mate. My wish… I never knew something like that could happen. I never knew someone would be able to grant my wish, and I had no idea how it was going to affect other people if they did, so my life changed in one moment, with one sentence. One wish.” As he turned to look at her he caught her shaking her head. “I’m sorry you went through what you did.” She looked between the two of them. “Your life has changed, Jasmine, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth before.”
“So am I.” Jasmine touched Fintan’s hand. “I told you about the dreams, Mum, and you didn’t do anything. We could have come here a long time ago, to stop him from going through that.”
A long silence followed Jasmine’s words. “It was never that simple. I wish it was, but I ran from who I was, from the life I led, from everything. I never planned on coming back, and hearing about your dreams… I tried to pretend they weren’t real. I tried to pretend they were just dreams. I caused so much pain. I…” Jasmine’s mum shook her head. “It wasn’t until the elders told me how close Fintan was to the point of no return that I realised I didn’t have any other option. I had to come back. I couldn’t let someone else die due to my own selfishness. You never said.”
“You didn’t want to hear what I had to say. You made that obvious from the first time I told you, and I didn’t feel like I could tell you much after that. I wanted to. I needed to. Being able to see someone go through that… I get why it was easier for you not to listen. That way you could keep burying your head in the sand.”
“I know. I made mistakes. I’ve done the easy thing, instead of the right thing. Can you ever forgive me?”
Even though Fintan didn’t think she was talking to him he nodded. “I can forgive you.” She looked at him, shock filling her eyes. “Maybe I shouldn’t, but I understand why you made the choices you did.” He glanced at Jasmine. “You’ve never been through what we have, Jasmine, and I don’t think you know how hard life can be for someone who is bonded. There have been times when the bond seems to connect the wrong people. Being trapped like that… I don’t know why I would do if I was in that sort of situation. There is a chance we’ll find that we have that sort of issue to deal with. All I can do is hope things won’t go too badly.”
“Not saying anything is easier, sometimes. My bond… this is still hard for me to talk about. I thought, when the bond flared, that it had picked the right person for me.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “Unfortunately that wasn’t the case.” She wiped the tears off her face. “Our relationship wasn’t good, and I wished more than once that I was free. We were arguing the day it happened. I felt so trapped, and like I was never going to be free of him, and I made a decision that I never knew would affect us the way it did. I wished it was all over. I wished that I didn’t have magic any longer, so I wouldn’t have to be trapped with him, and it happened. The way it happened… everything was gone. My power… I could feel it. There was like this hole where it once was, and I knew then I’d made the very worst mistake of my life.”
“Is that why you were putting it off?” Jasmine sounded like she hoped that was the reason for her mum’s decision. “Were you worried I’d be trapped in the same way you were?”
“Partly, but mostly it was selfish. I didn’t want to face his family, or the families of the people who died when he lost control of his magic, because I knew it was my fault. Had it not been for what I did none of that would have happened.”
“What happened wasn’t entirely your fault.” Fintan studied Jasmine’s mum, seeing the person she would have been and the person her choices had led her to become. “After you disappeared someone came to apologise for a mistake that had been made on Siaral. Someone granted your wish, because of the emotion you put into it, and it was a wish that shouldn’t have been granted. Unfortunately the person who granted it hadn’t long learnt the truth about themselves, so they let their own emotions get the better of them. You did make the wish. You did want to be free of the bond. Had you not made that wish this would never have happened, but it also needed to be granted. You could have wished for that a hundred times over and, had it not been for the timing, it never would have been granted.”
She nodded. “I know a little more about wish magic than I did before. Luckily for me I had the ability to travel the worlds without needing a tattoo, so I made the most of that, and it wasn’t until I met Jasmine’s dad that I made the decision to stop hiding from who I was. Even when I told him everything I’d done he still wanted to be with me, and I am so grateful that he did.” She looked at Jasmine. “Had it not been for his love I wouldn’t have been lucky enough to have two beautiful children, and I am more sorry than you will ever know that I didn’t tell you the whole truth. I should have done that before we came here. It wasn’t fair of me not to, when I knew you were going to be affected.”
“Yeah, you should have done.” Jasmine sighed. “I don’t know what to say, Mum. I’m not ready to forgive you. I…” She shook her head. “My life has changed, and it’s something I’m going to need time to accept.” Fintan watched as she looked at her arm. “What, exactly, does it mean to be bonded?”
When he was a child Fintan had heard the story of a girl who’d made a wish. It was a story he never thought was real, but it turned out that the girl really had existed and it was that girl the elders had needed to find, to convince her to return to Janoch, because they were missing a bond mate. She’d given up her magic, her bond, for a ‘normal’ life, with no idea her abilities could still be inherited by her daughter. That her choice was the entire reason that he’d been waiting so long for his other half. For a long time he’d simply assumed that she was younger than him. It had never crossed his mind that she might be on another world.
Biting hard on his lip he started making his way towards her bedroom. Fintan knew where it was because he’d been watching them, and he’d felt the connection. It was a stupid idea that had made things even harder than they already were. Knowing that she was the one… a part of him had wanted to do it then, but he’d managed to convince himself that he could wait until morning, until he tried to sleep. That was when he realised he couldn’t wait, no matter how much he wanted to, because he couldn’t relax, not when she was so close. He needed the connection, otherwise he was going to lose control. Losing control, as he been told before, was something he couldn’t do, not with the amount of magic he had within him.
Outside her door he stopped, because Fintan hadn’t wanted to break into the house, hadn’t wanted to make the connection without her knowing who she was, but he knew he was minutes away from his magic breaking from his control. Doing his best to move silently he opened the door, stepped into the room, and closed the door behind him. Being in the same room as her actually made things a little easier, he felt more in control, but it wasn’t enough, so he made his way over to the bed. All she’d done was make the bed after the long day they’d had, knowing she could unpack her boxes in the morning, and he was surrounded by them, by her, by his other half, the girl he’d been waiting for. Without stopping to think he reached out to touch her.
The moment Fintan’s hand touched her they connected. Unsurprisingly it woke her, but she didn’t scream the way he thought she would. Instead she stared at him, her head tilted to one side, as the design that showed who she was connected with started making its way up her arm. He knew the same thing was happening to his arm, because he could feel it, but he didn’t dare look, just in case. “You’ve been in my dreams,” she said, brushing a hand through her hair. “Mum wouldn’t tell me why we were coming here, but I knew it had something to do with you.”
“I’m not surprised,” he replied, even though he hadn’t been certain he could speak. “We’re meant to be connected.”
“How did it happen?”
Fintan sat on the end of the bed. “Your mum made a wish.” He bit his lip. “I’m certain she didn’t think it was a wish that would come true, but it did, and it killed her bond mate, as well as several other people, when he lost control of his magic. She was lucky to survive. Once they’d dug her out of the rubble she left Janoch. I have no idea where she went or what happened to her, but obviously she married and had children. What she didn’t realise was that you would be needed here, born as a bond mate but without the magic, and it took the elders a long time to find her, and then they had to convince her to come back.”
She looked down at her arm and then at him again. “Should you be here?”
“No, but I couldn’t control it any longer. I wish I could, I wish you could have had all this explained to you first, but…” Fintan bit his lip again. “Stupidly I thought I could watch you arrive without it affecting me. I was wrong. Just being close to you… I’ve never connected with anyone before and I didn’t realise how hard it would be for me to be able to cope with the magic that was meant to be shared between the two of us.”
“Is it always pairs?”
“Most of the time it is, but there have been triads and quads before. I’ve never heard of a larger group than that.”
“Always opposite genders?”
“Sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t. For our group it’s different, because we aren’t in each other’s minds all the time. By giving us time to age we come into our magic alone, rather than in our pair, and that means that we have permanent shields. You can let me into your mind if you want, although I wouldn’t suggest you did it right now, but for the others, who’re bonded at birth, they grow into their magic together and it means they have a mental connection as well as a magical one.” Their eyes met for a moment. “The elders will explain all of this to you tomorrow, after they’ve had a chance to get angry at me for what I did.”
“They’re not going to do that.” She smiled at him. “I told you I was dreaming about you, so I know what you’ve been through, and I will argue on your behalf. They have no idea. They’ve never been through what you went through, and I’m actually surprised we managed to get here in time. At a couple of points I really did think you were going to give up.”
He sighed. “There were a couple of times when I thought I was going to give up. I don’t know what kept me going. From the beginning the elders were honest with me – they had no idea if they were going to be able to find you. At one point I didn’t think they would, but then, finally, they had good news for me. They told me you were coming. I’ve never felt so relieved. I knew things were going to get better, but then it dragged out, because your mum, and I’m not at all surprised by this, didn’t want to come back here. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for her. The memories… they must be terrible.”
“They are.” The female voice from the door made Fintan jump. “I have a lot of regrets, and one of those regrets is that I left an innocent without a bond mate. My wish… I never knew something like that could happen. I never knew someone would be able to grant my wish, and I had no idea how it was going to affect other people if they did, so my life changed in one moment, with one sentence. One wish.” As he turned to look at her he caught her shaking her head. “I’m sorry you went through what you did.” She looked between the two of them. “Your life has changed, Jasmine, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth before.”
“So am I.” Jasmine touched Fintan’s hand. “I told you about the dreams, Mum, and you didn’t do anything. We could have come here a long time ago, to stop him from going through that.”
A long silence followed Jasmine’s words. “It was never that simple. I wish it was, but I ran from who I was, from the life I led, from everything. I never planned on coming back, and hearing about your dreams… I tried to pretend they weren’t real. I tried to pretend they were just dreams. I caused so much pain. I…” Jasmine’s mum shook her head. “It wasn’t until the elders told me how close Fintan was to the point of no return that I realised I didn’t have any other option. I had to come back. I couldn’t let someone else die due to my own selfishness. You never said.”
“You didn’t want to hear what I had to say. You made that obvious from the first time I told you, and I didn’t feel like I could tell you much after that. I wanted to. I needed to. Being able to see someone go through that… I get why it was easier for you not to listen. That way you could keep burying your head in the sand.”
“I know. I made mistakes. I’ve done the easy thing, instead of the right thing. Can you ever forgive me?”
Even though Fintan didn’t think she was talking to him he nodded. “I can forgive you.” She looked at him, shock filling her eyes. “Maybe I shouldn’t, but I understand why you made the choices you did.” He glanced at Jasmine. “You’ve never been through what we have, Jasmine, and I don’t think you know how hard life can be for someone who is bonded. There have been times when the bond seems to connect the wrong people. Being trapped like that… I don’t know why I would do if I was in that sort of situation. There is a chance we’ll find that we have that sort of issue to deal with. All I can do is hope things won’t go too badly.”
“Not saying anything is easier, sometimes. My bond… this is still hard for me to talk about. I thought, when the bond flared, that it had picked the right person for me.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “Unfortunately that wasn’t the case.” She wiped the tears off her face. “Our relationship wasn’t good, and I wished more than once that I was free. We were arguing the day it happened. I felt so trapped, and like I was never going to be free of him, and I made a decision that I never knew would affect us the way it did. I wished it was all over. I wished that I didn’t have magic any longer, so I wouldn’t have to be trapped with him, and it happened. The way it happened… everything was gone. My power… I could feel it. There was like this hole where it once was, and I knew then I’d made the very worst mistake of my life.”
“Is that why you were putting it off?” Jasmine sounded like she hoped that was the reason for her mum’s decision. “Were you worried I’d be trapped in the same way you were?”
“Partly, but mostly it was selfish. I didn’t want to face his family, or the families of the people who died when he lost control of his magic, because I knew it was my fault. Had it not been for what I did none of that would have happened.”
“What happened wasn’t entirely your fault.” Fintan studied Jasmine’s mum, seeing the person she would have been and the person her choices had led her to become. “After you disappeared someone came to apologise for a mistake that had been made on Siaral. Someone granted your wish, because of the emotion you put into it, and it was a wish that shouldn’t have been granted. Unfortunately the person who granted it hadn’t long learnt the truth about themselves, so they let their own emotions get the better of them. You did make the wish. You did want to be free of the bond. Had you not made that wish this would never have happened, but it also needed to be granted. You could have wished for that a hundred times over and, had it not been for the timing, it never would have been granted.”
She nodded. “I know a little more about wish magic than I did before. Luckily for me I had the ability to travel the worlds without needing a tattoo, so I made the most of that, and it wasn’t until I met Jasmine’s dad that I made the decision to stop hiding from who I was. Even when I told him everything I’d done he still wanted to be with me, and I am so grateful that he did.” She looked at Jasmine. “Had it not been for his love I wouldn’t have been lucky enough to have two beautiful children, and I am more sorry than you will ever know that I didn’t tell you the whole truth. I should have done that before we came here. It wasn’t fair of me not to, when I knew you were going to be affected.”
“Yeah, you should have done.” Jasmine sighed. “I don’t know what to say, Mum. I’m not ready to forgive you. I…” She shook her head. “My life has changed, and it’s something I’m going to need time to accept.” Fintan watched as she looked at her arm. “What, exactly, does it mean to be bonded?”
